Saying Goodbye
by Lucy Mars
Summary: AU piece. Let go of the sun as it sinks from your sky.


Title: Dark Depths

Author: Lucy Mars

Disclaimer: I don't own 'em. I'll play nice and return them when I'm done. ;]

*Kinda Alternative Universe-ish. This is out there. Just an angst-y little piece. For everyone waiting for Chapter #14 of Dark Depths....just hold on a for a little longer. All I've got to do is edit and...stuff. ;] Ha! Enjoy this as a little piece offering. I hope that this will tide you over for a little while. ;]

**Wrote this a while ago....and since we're in re-run hell and there's been no evidence that ABS has killed Amy off... ;] ..... I thought that I would post this. Enjoy! ;]

**** Quick Authors Note: Thank You for ALL of the AMAZING reviews for DARK DEPTHS! You guys are so SWEET!!****

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He wanted to die. He wanted to crawl into a hole that was dark and devoid of all emotion. A place where he could sleep forever and be alone. All he wanted was to be alone. Couldn't they just grant him one wish? 

"Go away." Josh groaned pulling his pillow over his head and trying to muffle out the bothersome voices. 

"Josh." CJ sighed sitting down on the rumpled bed and prying the pillow away from his desperate hands, "You need to come." 

"I don't want to." he snapped rolling onto his side and squinting against the offensive sunlight. He just wanted to sleep. That was all. Why couldn't they just leave him alone? 

"You need to say goodbye." CJ said gently stroking his back. 

"Just leave me alone." Josh pleaded hiding his face in his arms. "Just go away." 

"Josh," Toby sighed moving away from the door and coming around to his wife's side. "you need this closure. Come say goodbye." 

"Why?" he asked bitterly, still not facing the two. 

"Because you need to do this." 

"No." Josh said with a stubborn shake of his head. 

"Josh." Claudia begged. "Please." 

"She left me." Josh said harshly looking up at CJ's red eyes. "She left me." 

"Josh..." Toby said sadly as he looked at his friends worn and tired face. "Donna loved you. You know that." 

"Not enough to stay." Josh said his tears choking him. "Not enough." 

Watching him bury his face, Toby gently rubbed his trembling shoulders. "She loved you more than life." 

"No she didn't." Josh sobbed looking up at his brother. "She left me." 

Blinking away her own tears, CJ gently brushed back his untamed hair. "Lola is waiting for us in the living room. Should I tell her that her Uncle Josh is coming?" 

"No." Josh said shaking his head. "I can't. I won't."

Sharing a melancholy look with his wife, Toby rose with a resigned shake of his head. "You're making a big mistake." 

"I made the mistake when I fell in love with her." Josh whispered watching Toby lead a reluctant CJ out of his bedroom. 

--------- 

His tired eyes took in the sea of people that had gathered to say goodbye to a wonderful woman. A woman who was loved and adored. Sighing, Toby put on his best face as he shook hands and made excuses for the missing Deputy Chief of Staff. Of course they all understood. Every damn person was understanding. Feeling the entire situation catch up with him, Toby walked until he found a deserted corner. Just a few minutes to himself and he would be okay. It was just catching up with him, that's all. Sitting down heavily and starring out at the dark and cloudy day, he didn't even notice her slide up beside him. 

"You look like shit." 

Feeling a smile tug at his tired face, Toby nodded slowly. "I probably do." 

"You should take better care of yourself." 

"I take very good care of myself." Toby shot back feeling his smile grow wider. 

Snorting, Donna leaned back against the stiff couch. 

"That wasn't very ladylike." Toby said smiling at Donna. 

Rolling her eyes, Donna raised an amused eyebrow. "And when exactly have you known me to be ladylike?" 

"Good point." Toby laughed feeling the tension of the past few weeks melt away.

"So, this is some party." Donna said dryly. 

"Donna." Toby sighed. 

"No I mean it." Donna said smiling sadly, "I'm glad that you did this for me." 

"CJ and I wanted to do this for you." Toby said seriously. "You know, one last thing." 

Titling her head to the side, Donna nodded in understanding. "I know. Thank you. You don't know how much this means to me." 

Blushing slightly, Toby nodded. "We just wanted to give you a proper goodbye party." 

Laughing, Donna nodded. "Well, besides from the fact that everyone's walking around like someone just died, this is a rocking party." 

"Donna." Toby said his voice cracking. Feeling tears sting at his eyes, he looked down. 

"I'm sorry." Donna said softly touching his arm. "I am. Bad joke. Sorry." 

"It's okay." Toby said shaking his head. "It's fine." 

Kissing him lightly on the temple, Donna smiled through her own tears. "Goodbye Toby ." 

Squeezing her cold hands, Toby nodded in understanding. "Goodbye Donna." 

"Thank you for doing this." Donna said seriously. "You and Claudia have given me a chance to say goodbye to everyone." "

"Thank you for loving him." Toby replied watching Donna's tears overflow and streak her already pale face. 

"Take care of him?" Donna whispered. 

"Always." Toby promised. 

"Daddy?" 

Spinning around, Toby smiled at his daughter as he hastily wiped away his tears. "Yes Lola?" 

Squinting her eyes at him, Lola absently chewed on her chubby little lip. "Who are you talking too?" 

Turning around to where Donna had been, Toby wasn't surprised to find her gone. "No one honey." he said lifting his daughter onto his lap. "No one."

--------- 

Quickly splashing cold water onto her face, CJ rinsed out her mouth as best as she could. 

"Here." 

Looking up in surprise, CJ took the towel from Donna. "Thanks." 

"No problem." Donna said leaning against the marble counter. "Are you okay?" "

"I'm fine." CJ said hastily as she felt her face heat up. 

"I think that you are lying." Donna said playfully. 

"I didn't want to say anything," CJ said hesitating, "but..." 

"You're pregnant?" Donna offered filling in her blank."Am I right?" 

"Yes." 

"How far?" Donna asked looking at CJ's stomach with an expression of longing and excitement. "Does Toby know? Lola?" 

"Three months." CJ said unconsciously rubbing her flat stomach. "Toby knows. I didn't want to say anything Donna. You understand...right? I mean with everything that was happening and everything that happened, it never felt like the right time to break the news..." 

"It's okay, CJ." Donna said reaching out and pulling CJ in for a hug. "I understand. It's okay." 

"I'm going to miss you." CJ whispered feeling fresh tears being to build. 

"I'm going to miss you too." 

"Toby and I decided that if the baby is a girl, we're going to name her Donna." 

Looking up at CJ in surprise, Donna shook her head in amazement. "Are you serious?" 

"Yes." CJ laughed. 

"You're just trying to make me cry, aren't you?" 

"Yes, you've deciphered my evil plan." 

Laughing, Donna nodded. "So not only do you steal my thunder at my goodbye party, but you try to make me cry?" 

Biting down on her trembling lip, CJ shook her head. "What am I going to do without you?" 

"You have Toby, Lola and a new little addition to your family." 

"And Josh." CJ added smiling sadly. 

"One day Josh is going to make one lucky woman very happy." Donna grinned as tears fell from her wide eyes. "He'd be an excellent father." 

"He would." CJ agreed. "He didn't come today." 

"I didn't expect him too." 

"He's heartbroken." CJ said gently touching Donna's pale face. 

"Josh always lands on his feet." 

"Because you were always there." 

Looking up at CJ , Donna smiled sadly. "One day he will fall in love again. Take care of him?" 

"I will." 

"Goodbye CJ." 

Nodding blindly through her tears, CJ managed to choke out the words that she'd been dreading all day. "Goodbye Donna."

-------- 

"So instead of coming to my goodbye party, you decided to sit in our apartment alone and brood?" 

"Go away." Josh snapped looking out at the dark skyline. 

"Nope, sorry. I'm just as stubborn as you are. Five years and you rubbed off of me." 

"What are you doing here?" 

"I came to say goodbye." 

"Why bother?" Josh asked abruptly, turning around to face Donna. "You left me. Why bother coming to say goodbye?" 

"Because closure is a good thing." Donna shot back. 

"Just go away." Josh said feeling his anger drain out of him and leave him with nothing more than hopelessness. "Just leave me. You're good at doing that." 

"Will you get your head out of your ass for two seconds?" 

"What right do you have coming back here?" Josh demanded standing up and advancing on Donna. "You left me and now you're back demanding closure? Who the hell do you think you are?" 

"A woman who loves you." Donna whispered reaching out and touching Josh's flushed face. "Oh Joshua..." 

"Don't call me that." Josh said pulling away and pacing. "Don't." 

"I just want to say goodbye." Donna sighed rubbing her cold arms. "That's all. You can listen or not." 

"I choose not." Josh said bitterly. 

"Me leaving had nothing to do with you, Josh. You know that." 

"If you really loved me, you would have fought harder." 

"I did fight Josh." Donna said sitting down and watching him pace. "You know I did." 

"What happened to forever?" Josh demanded holding out his ring and the engraved words, "Did you forget our vows?" 

"Life has a funny way of dictating forever." Donna whispered looking down at her own ring. 

Feeling his emotions build up beyond control and his anger disappear, Josh wrapped his trembling arms around Donna. "I don't want you to leave me." 

"I'll never leave you Joshua." Donna promised leaning against his strong chest and laying her hand over his heart. "I'll always be right here. You carry a piece of my heart and I carry a piece of yours." 

His eyes flooding with hot tears, Josh tried to pull Donna tighter against him. "Don't go." 

"You can't run away from the sun." Donna said looking out at the slowly brightening horizon. 

"We could try." 

Watching the sunlight creep closer to them, Donna shook her head. "Be happy Joshua." 

"Not without you." Josh said stubbornly. 

"You'll fall in love again." 

"Only you." Josh said his voice breaking. 

"Your heart will mend and grow." Donna whispered, "You'll find it again." 

Holding Donna tightly against him, Josh felt her salty tears fall on his cheek and blend with his own tears. "I love you." 

"I love you too." Donna whispered kissing him softly. "Goodbye Joshua."

--------

Holding the large bouquet with extra care, Josh slowly made his way through the manicured lawns and winding paths. Walking slowly, he stopped when he got to his destination. Taking a deep breath, Josh kneeled in front of the headstone and dusted off the snow that had settled on it. Swallowing the lump in his throat, Josh traced the words that were engraved for the world to see. Donnatella Moss-Lyman. Beloved wife, daughter and friend. Putting the flowers down, Josh looked up at the glittering sky. "Goodbye Donna." 

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Like the ending? Ha. I didn't think so. ;] Tell me what you think......and bug me for the next chapter of Dark Depths. I've been known to crack under the pressure and POST immediately. ;] 

-Lucy


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